To school, that is. I have my BA already, but without any sort of certification or further education my options are severely limited in the job market. I have a few choices. I can go for a certification like phlebotomy that takes a few weeks so I can make near minimum wage (gag!), or I can go back for another degree such as nursing which would allow me to make even more in the long run but take 18 months or longer.

Why all this sudden talk about getting a job? Because I’m not sure what direction my life is going to take, and having a job would give me some sort of security- a feeling of making my own stability. Despite the image I project, my life is definitely not all sunshine and rainbows. Whose is, really?

So I’m currently researching my options for a nursing school. I’m not sure what I’ll do with the kids during that time, or where I’ll live, but I guess those details will just have to be ironed out as we get there. Yes, I love being a stay at home mom, but I don’t enjoy thinking about the fact that if I were to end up alone I wouldn’t be able to financially take care of my kids and myself. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been alone for so long now. Maybe it’s because my conscience is eating me up. And maybe it’s just that I am sick of all the uncertainty. Whatever the reason, I’m getting myself out of this rut.

I still have all the same dreams and goals as before. I still want a little plot of land and a cottage in the woods. I still want to raise a garden, tend a small number of livestock, and strive for self-sufficiency. But having a job? Having some way to help pay for everything and give me a measure of security through it all? Just seems like a good idea to me. As one of my friends says, it’s time to pull on the big girl panties. I have to do what I have to do.